No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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