Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
