I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize