just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have fence marks all over my body
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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