Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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