Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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