He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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