I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
