Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
