i jhust puked up my retainher.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Randomize
