Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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