He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
