Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
