i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
