I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
