final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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