I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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