i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
