I can text with my tongue
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
