He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
