I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
