My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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