I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
