You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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