turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
