what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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