You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize