I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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