The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
