I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
