she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
