My nipple is on Facebook.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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