Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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