Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
