"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
