I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
