i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
