my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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