I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
