she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
