I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
