Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
