so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
