once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
