I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we made out on top of his cat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
