wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
