Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
