if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
smell my finger.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
