i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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