Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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