we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
