there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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