my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
