Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
