I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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