This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
