I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
