He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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