im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
