just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
