So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
