Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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