I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
