she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
