They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
be right there i have to get my cape
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
