Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
