Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
