last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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