someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is Oprah even human
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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