i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
