Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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