dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
