there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry about my life...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
