I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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