But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
