once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
