i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
