If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
