there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
