my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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