Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You are a genius and a whore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
