The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
