True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
