brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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