my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
