I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
