doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
