I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
