I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
