Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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