Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
