He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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