I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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