thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize